I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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