he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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