Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
