Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
