that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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