The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
