Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
