smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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