SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
