Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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