Cold hands, warm shart.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
