Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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