oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
