Your face is a jimmy john
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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