It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
