The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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