Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize