She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
