White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
