just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
do nipples grow back?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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