You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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