Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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