I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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