I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
