Just cropdusted the office
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
