By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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