i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dignity is for republicans.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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