so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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