girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
