I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
