I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
