Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
