god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
