Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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