I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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