Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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