I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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