Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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