they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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