I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
