and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
