i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
