I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
