Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
