I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
