Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
