i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
