??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
