So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
