My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
