Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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