its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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