I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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