They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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