Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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