Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
