Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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