Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
