sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
