we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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