You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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