About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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