then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
