you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize