I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
