if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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