Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
