$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
