Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
