Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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