The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
