Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
