I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize