you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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