i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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