ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
